Mark of Memories and a Leaf
by RinoaDestiny
Summary: After the events in 'Clover #2,' Kazuhiko finds that it's hard to forget memories and tries to find answers for his questions. *SPOILERS for 'Clover #1 & 2'


Leaf

Mark of Memories and a Leaf

Kazuhiko Faye Ryu glanced down at his broken spectacles. It had been three weeks since the incident at Fairy Park and still the memories hurt; it was like as if the shards of glass lying on the table had stabbed him through the heart. He closed his eyes, shielding the warm brown within from all light and joy.

He felt no joy. He was bereft, robbed of everything. When Oruha died, it had been hard enough for him to go on with his life. She had been his love, his reason for living, his source of happiness and warmth away from the cold, restrictive atmosphere of the military. Even Gingetsu, his partner and deputy officer, seemed to enjoy the music of the livehouse.

Music that Oruha loved to sing and write. But now, the only music that he heard, over and over again, was the one that Suu loved. The song that General Ko allowed Oruha and Suu to write and sing together – 'Clover.'

Suu was a Four-leaf Clover. Because of that, she was not allowed to fall in love. _It would take five wizards to even hope to win against a Three-leaf Clover. And a Four-leaf? That is… why… I'm alone. _It haunted Kazuhiko even now whenever he thought about their conversations. Everything that they said together had a trace of melancholy, curiosity, and strangely enough – a hint of romance. He remembered teasing Gingetsu when he'd brought Ran home, calling him a pedophile. But wouldn't he be accused of the same now?

He loved Suu; Four-leaf Clover or not. She was another light in his often dark and moody life. A bird that was finally able to fly free. A child who loved him despite the fact that he was older than her by a good twenty years. A girl who quickly became a woman when she wept over him; he still felt the warm flow of her tears running down his face. There had been so much pain when the wire slashed through him, but it seemed to deaden when she held him. She gave him life and memories.

But she was dead.

Tears came unbidden to Kazuhiko's eyes and he feared to open them lest they betrayed his agony. He told Gingetsu he was all right; however, his friend seemed to sense his turmoil and was quick to help him. Readjustment of his life after his healing; the need to stitch over or rip out emotional wounds or to blot out scars; the swiftness in which the serious-faced man contacted Parliament, letting them know once and for all that Kazuhiko Faye Ryu, former deputy officer had retired to a civilian's life and therefore should no longer be contacted for official matters. Gingetsu was there to help him; he shouldn't be feeling so weak.

And Ran. The boy had left his computers and modems aside simply so that he could assist Gingetsu in Kazuhiko's recovery. Ran cooked, cleaned, fed him for the first week, and finally washed his bloodstained clothes. The blood would never come out of the trenchcoat, though, Ran said. It was typical of white clothes coming in contact with anything as acidic as human blood. Kazuhiko agreed and asked that the trenchcoat be handed back to him as soon as possible.

He didn't want to forget.

As if he could.

General Ko told him that the leaf encryption symbol would dissolve from his palm once he'd completed his mission. But it had been three weeks and the leaf refused to fade. It stayed there, a beacon of dark green, marking him as one who'd known a Four-leaf Clover. In a way, Suu and he had become remarkably close; there was no separation now from her. _Did General Ko know? Is she doing this to punish me for my disobediences? Or did she give me another chance to know love outside of the context Oruha and me shared? A love without sexuality; an untainted, child-like love?_ Kazuhiko opened his eyes and unclenched his fist.

A leaf.

He didn't feel complete. He felt empty, barren, as if in mourning. He didn't remember if he'd cried for Oruha; in Suu's case, he did. Silent tears from inside his heart; he dared not show the real ones yet in his friends' presence. Suu was afraid that when she died, no one would cry for her. Kazuhiko shook his head, his shoulders shaking from the memory.

She was wrong.

And he could no longer stay here. The silence reminded him of something, of a need which his hungry and deprived heart ached to want. Gingetsu was out on official business and Ran was busy with the household chores; he shouldn't be spotted _that_ easily. Quickly, Kazuhiko pulled open a drawer and grabbed another pair of glasses. Hooking it up to his black shirt and placing it on the bridge of his nose, Kazuhiko felt that the familiar weight was comforting. He was trying to get back to normalcy after the calamity that befell him at Fairy Park. And after Suu's apparent suicide because she no longer wanted to live alone without love.

Kazuhiko hated all of the wizards except for General Ko.

She was very different.

He grabbed a hold of his trenchcoat, and then realized that it was the bloodstained one. Pink stains, like rose-colored wine, faded in and out in differing shades on the white cloth; his own blood splattered when the wire from the 'Clover' fairy – Oruha – whipped out at him as he protected Suu with his own body. Down he fell, off the merry-go-round horse, barely conscious and dripping blood like rain until he hit the ground. Then Suu was beside him, crying out his name and he could feel the warm wetness of her sadness.

Throwing on the coat, Kazuhiko looked back at the tidiness of his room. So neat and yet it housed an empty soul such as he. Opening the door, he glanced to the left and to the right. Ran was nowhere in sight, except for the faint sound of the laundry machine whirring. Swiftly, Kazuhiko strode over to the main door of the apartment and exited, shutting the door very quietly behind him.

_If you find a four-leaf clover, it will bring you happiness…_

It seemed like a long time since he'd visited this place. The first time he came here, he had no idea what General Ko wanted him to deliver. There were Killer Dolls everywhere, dressed deceivably like rabbits and different kinds of animals. As it turned out, General Ko wanted him to deliver a charmingly innocent, yet somewhat melancholy and mysterious girl named Suu. She had no last name and he didn't even know she was a Clover. He had no idea what a Clover even was during that time.

Kazuhiko looked around the front of the greenhouse in disbelief. There were no more Killer Dolls. It was like as if the death of the only Four-leaf Clover had also doomed their existence. General Ko must've relocated or destroyed them after Fairy Park exploded into flames. Kazuhiko fumbled around with the tiny metal cuff on his earlobe. The silence was disturbing in its tranquility; was everything dead?

He no longer walked forward confidently like a man out to fulfill his mission. Instead, he walked with gravity in his steps, with vulnerability wide open like a gaping wound, and with a gait like that of a broken thing. His heart pained him as the memories flung themselves into his face.

Suu floating down from her perch like a bird.

Grabbing his hand with its leaf imprint.

Asking with that quiet and childish voice like wind playing upon chimes, "Are you the one taking me?"

Staring up at her wide evergreen eyes, surprised that the thing General Ko wanted him to deliver was actually a young girl. Not knowing how much it would change his life afterwards.

Kazuhiko laid his gloved hand upon the metal door. Still so much grief for him – it was unbelievable. But whereas Oruha knew she was going to die, she didn't kill herself. Suu, out of love for him and for her own happiness, executed herself. And he could do nothing to stop her; she never mentioned the trip back because there was no returning for her. If she were to return, she would be living here, trapped by her own powers and by Parliament's decisions and fears. She would never be able to love another person, hold another person that closely and actually declare it.

_But did she need to die?!_

Agony and anger raged within Kazuhiko. As if heeding an inner defense mechanism, he activated the module on his hand, springing forth the sword that first protected them from Bols' forces. Out sprang the white metallic feathers, large and grand in their beauty, followed by the deadly blade that extended past Kazuhiko's knees. It wouldn't help him now – he had no enemies to fight but the ones within his soul – but he needed it.

_Suu…I defended you with this._

Just then, as Kazuhiko made to open the door, the whirring of metallic wings caught his attention. Turning his head, he looked as the robotic birds flew past him. Blue feathers caught the dimming sunlight, throwing their elegant shadows upon Kazuhiko and the door. Sadness welled within him and he turned back to the door, wrenching it open with his hand. These birds were not real, were not breathing, and were not flesh; that was why they were free. Suu was real, material in her humanity, and full of feeling; that was why she became a prisoner.

And then he freed her.

General Ko had insisted that he'd do it. For that, he didn't know whether to be grateful or bitter. He'd discovered the true meaning of living, of love, and of sacrifice. He'd also got reacquainted with the pain of loss, the brutality of having one's life ripped apart, and the lack of substance in his life. A gift or a curse?

The greenhouse still looked the same and smelled the same as when he'd last been here. The intricate designs of the cathedral ceiling and the windows threw lacy shadows on the floor. Kazuhiko caught a whiff of flowery perfume and the dirt smell of the earth and immediately closed his eyes. Here he was, standing here, catching memories, words, even body language and expressions from that time – it seemed to be so long ago – like as if he were sifting them for jewels.

Lace wrapped around Suu's leg trailing behind her like a cloud.

He reached up in astonishment.

She caught his hand.

Spoke the words that were the first to be exchanged.

Kazuhiko shook his head, dashing the memories aside for the moment. The tree on which she used to sit on now loomed before him. Yet, it wasn't menacing or slighting him; instead, it drooped its leaves, as if weeping for its former owner – a girl with mechanical wings and a sweet voice like wind chimes. Like a bird.

Suddenly, everything inside of him, from his heart to his soul crumbled. Barriers to tears broken, as if being here shattered the resistance he'd built up. He hardly saw through the mist of his tears as his knees weakened and he fell, supporting himself with his hands. The sword vanished, no more as his defenses lowered themselves and finally lay dead with his tears. Shoulders shaking violently, Kazuhiko closed himself off to the colors and the sounds around him. A warm trail traveled down his cheek and dripped off onto his hand.

No more singing birds.

No more happiness.

No more love.

He had a heart. But what good was a heart for if there was no one to love?

_Would I ever be whole again?_

Another tear slid down his face as Kazuhiko collapsed; sleep overtaking grief. He would continue to search for answers but would he get them? Could Suu hear him in her afterlife, in her happiness? Would he be able to find his happiness?

Happy to just be with you. Happy to just see you smile.

_ _

Author's Note: CLAMP is _queen_ of the shoujo manga world with this story! I love 'Clover' but I always wondered how Kazuhiko would be taking the news of Suu's death. After I read the second manga, I felt nothing but sorrow for my favorite male 'Clover' character. That leaf on his hand will never disappear and therefore, he won't be able to forget Suu. I got the idea for the fanfic this way and decided to use a 'Clover' pic from the cover of the second installment, since online, it shows that he went back to the greenhouse holding Suu's lace. I decided not to put the lace inside of the story because I felt that going into Kazuhiko's heart would be enough emotion. I mean…the poor guy – first Oruha and then Suu! _Waaaah!!!_ Oh well, _ja ne!_

**_ _**


End file.
